Playtex Edward
by x0biteme0x
Summary: It's that time of month for Bella, and Edward is determined to be useful and help her through it. But what happens when a simple event becomes a little too chaotic? Read and Review! Chapter two is up now!
1. Worth Something

**a/n: So I had a spontaneous moment of sponteneuity -- not sure how you spell that -- and this...is what happened. Cute, short, BxE fluffy happiness. Yay fluff! read and review!**

**Disclaimer: twilights not mine, edwards not mine...sob.**

_Edward's POV_

I hummed Bella's lullaby gently as she slept in a cocoon of blankets. A dark frown creased my forehead as I held on to my Bella cocoon. What good am I to her? I can't even hold her without making freezing her to death, and she won't let me buy her anything. Nothing! I can do nothing for her and yet she loves me with all her being.

I brushed my lips against her warm neck, stopping where her pulse thrummed and inhaling her delicious scent.

Silly Bella, never puts herself first.

I sighed, frustrated. But if only I were good for something!

Suddenly Bella turned around and stared at me with her beautiful brown eyes, grinning from ear to ear like a fool.

I snorted. I was hardly a lottery prize.

"Good morning love," I nuzzled at the hollow of her neck, "sleep well?"

_Bella's POV_

I opened my eyes and panicked for a second, I couldn't see Edward.

Turning around I found him in mid-sigh, smiling so wide I could feel my dry lips cracking, I grinned at him.

"Good morning love, sleep well?"

I gasped as he laid his head on my neck,

"Mhm, it was lovely, scary vampire nightmare and all."

He chuckled, a beautiful melody that vibrated along my collarbone,

"Good, I was beginning to worry that you - "

He stiffened suddenly, but the moment passed so quickly I might've imagined it.

"What? Edward what?"

"Do you, have a box of tampons love?"

"Do you, need some?" I asked in confusion.

He laughed silently, "No but you do."

"No I – oh wait. How'd you know?"

"I can smell blood silly Bella."

I jumped out of bed, tripping over the blankets I was swathed in and rolled to the door.

Edward stared at me, his perfect face frowning.

"Something wrong?"

"Blood! Are you okay Edward? No wait, hold your breath. Don't breathe! Should I hide?"

He laughed again, this time not so quietly.

"Bella darling, I'm not about to maul you if that's what you're afraid of. That's dead blood and holds no attraction for me."

"Oh." I huffed, "Well let me get changed then."

I tore my eyes away from him, shirtless and sprawled across my bed, my favorite crooked smile curled across his face, resting under two blazing topaz eyes.

But of course when I checked my cabinet it was completely barren of anything resembling a tampon or even a pad. I squirmed uncomfortably and walked back into the room.

"Edward, I have to go tampon shopping."

"Of course," he said, tossing on a new shirt, he must've picked it up last night, "I'll meet you outside."

_Edward's POV_

I lounged outside next to my car, amused at how in the time it took for Bella to get changed I could pick up the Volvo and drive back. Charlie had left earlier and it seems I'm about to spend my Saturday morning tampon shopping.

I wonder what brand she'll pick…

_Bella's POV_

I dragged my brush through my mess of hair and finally threw it in a ponytail.

"CHARLIE"

No answer, must be out. I scribbled a quick note for him, leaving out the specifics. No need for any awkward details.

Opening the door, Edward greeted me with a dazzling smile as I grumpily trudged to his car. I hate it when he drives.

Crazy vampire speed demon.

"Let's get this over with," I blushed as I slid into the car, "I'm in a crummy mood as it is."

Edward laughed as he sped along the small town roads.

"What's the rush?"

I flushed, suddenly unable to speak from embarrassment.

He glanced over and worried at my strange expression.

"What's wrong Bella? Do you have cramps? Should I get you something warm?"

I was mortified by the awkward situation I had created for myself.

"Its-its nothing I'm just. I just hate tampon shopping! Everyone knows each other in this small town and I don't need all of Forks knowing I've got my period. I just don't want everyone to stare at me while I buy them. Stupid period. Stupid tampons. Ugh."

I snorted, ending my overly emotional ranting and peered up at Edward.

His lips were pressed in a tight line, trying so hard to keep from laughing.

What's his problem? I don't see what's so funny.

Stupid period.

_Edward's POV_

Oh it was so hard not to laugh. My precious, overly-sensitive Bella was being quite adorable. Silly Bella.

I finally spoke, after I was sure I wouldn't burst out laughing.

"Bella," I said as I pulled into the store parking lot "if it really is _that_ bad then I'll get them myself."

She perked up instantly.

"Oh Edward really? You'd do that? If its alright with you then I'd love that! I just can't stand the weirdness, not since Tyler started working at the cashier. Thank you!"

She kissed me lightly.

I smiled, happy that she's happy, "Any preferences?"

"No anything's fine!"

I nodded, getting out of the car.

Walking up to the double doors I thought back to my musings from this morning. I had been so depressed, positive that I couldn't do anything for Bella who constantly gave me everything I wanted and more.

"But no more!" I thought to myself, I will no longer be completely useless to her.

I squared my shoulders and marched straight for the feminine hygiene aisle.

FROM NOW ON, I AM EDWARD, BELLA'S PERSONAL TAMPON PURVEYOR!!


	2. It's A Public Affair

**A/n: I originally had this as an oneshot with much fluff and random humor but reader's heres chapter two! I never actually had a plot for this but this one'll just wrap up what chapter one started.**

**I'd like to thank SpencerReidFan89 for the plot idea for this chapter,  
Also thanks to anyone who actually wanted another chapter lol**

**So all ramblings aside, here goes nothing**

**Disclaimer: none of this is MINE. It's all stephypoo's XD**

_Edward's POV_

I stopped dead in my tracks. The phrase "cold feet" flashed through my head. Ridiculous puns.

I was surrounded by a symphony of shiny plastic wrappers and neon cardboard boxes. How on Earth did Bella do this every month?

I paused and examined each box carefully…

_Maxi Pads? Super Maxi Pads? Ultra thin? Super absorbency? Gentle Glide? _

I gazed hopelessly among the impossible selection and felt a slight panic settling in. Picking up one of the packages, three large letters blared out:

TSS: TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME

Each dire warning increased the mindless anxiety I felt, a possibly fatal illness caused by tampons? Did Bella never see this?! Does she not know her very life is in DANGER every time she uses one of these...death traps? What did they say in med school about these things, DAMN IT I never paid attention for that--

"Scuse me, can I help yoo."

An obnoxiously bored voice interrupted my silent panic attack. Looking up, I saw an orange skinned girl snapping her gum and suddenly gaping at me in shock.

_Obnoxious and Bored Store Employee POV_

What is this boy doin in the tampon section? He buyin fo his momma or somthin?

"Scuse me, can I help yoo."

The creep looked up, and DAMN what an eyeful. Pale, but my god whatever he needs I'll give it to him! Goddamn.

_Edwards POV_

"Yes ah I'm buying tampons for my girlfriend, but I can't decide which one she'd need."

"She heavy?"

I frowned, trying to think back to this morning. How much blood did I smell?

"I suppose normal."

"Oh you're such a sweethawt, get 'er this, should last her for a while. Wish my boy was as sweet as you."

I breathed out in relief, "Thank you ma'am."

As she shuffled away I felt someone watching me, and giggling too.

"Alice," I snarled "_why are you here_."

Eternally graceful, I glared at her as she twirled into the aisle.

"Oh _sweethawt_, I didn't know it was your time of month. You should've told me, Rosalie has a pack."

"Why, on earth would Rosalie have tampons? She doesn't bleed."

Alice shrugged, "She thought they were cute."

I sighed, typical Rose.

"Did I buy the right thing?"

She turned and tossed a slim package into my hands, "Bella will like these better."

"Alice, why did you let me suffer through all this when you knew exactly what Bella needed all along?"

"Oh if only you knew just how entertaining that was, I'm sure you'd understand."

"You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating. And stop sticking your tongue out at me, it's horribly childish."

A sudden crash spun me around as I saw Emmett laughing uproariously among a pile of maxi pads.

Oh this just gets better and better.

"Emmett" I growled.

"AHHAHAAAHA EDWARD AHAHA I DIDN'T REALIZE AHAHAHHA IT WAS YOUR TIME OF MONTH AHAHAH ALREADY AHAHAH."

"SHUT UP SAY IT ANY LOUDER AND I'LL TEAR APART YOUR STUPID JEEP I SWEAR I'LL hello Rose I SWEAR I'LL…wait a minute. ROSALIE WHY ARE YOU HERE WHAT IS THIS A PARTY?"

I fumed and ranted as a small crowd of onlookers crowded around our little _rendezvous_, what the hell happened to a little privacy these days?!

Then an all too familiar voice cut through my tirade,

"Hey that's Edward Cullen!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose in resignation.

"Hello Mike."

A ridiculous grin broke out over his face.

Hah, what a girl, why's he holding a bunch of tampons? WAIT TIL JESSICA HEARS THIS oh wow this is so weird man.

I hate being able to read minds.

Slowly I walked away, away from the crowd of curious spectators and away from my obnoxious family. As I paid for the package –with much snickering from Tyler- I pondered how many more of these insane human needs Bella would have.

"Bella my love," I sighed, slipping into the car "we really need to change you sometime soon."

**a/n -again-: I had a hard time finishing this chapter so sorry about the crappy ending lol.**


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